Astonishment....will that feeling ever go away? hopefully..no...

First of All, Merry Christmas!!!! I hope everyone had as much of a blessed holiday as we did here at the Smith Ranch. After joining Ivan and Lanette at his mom's house for some authentic Mexican Food, we raced home to wait for Santa....my kids were so overly excited, I was astonished that they even went to sleep. So after completing some..tasks!...I settled in with my book, a fire crackling in the fireplace that JD and I can't seem to live without, and the glow of Christmas Lights from our tree bouncing off the walls. I sat there just dazzled..no.. Astonished at the blessings that get POURED out on us, even though, we don't deserve it. I don't deserve it. But that doesn't seem to matter to the Master of the Universe. King of Kings, Lord of Lords.

Christmas morning was off with a bang. I woke to the sounds of my prince, Chance and princess Bella, giggling with the anticipation of Santa!!! After wildly opening gifts, and eating and Playing, that evening we all settled down, and my phone rings....It's my Dad. I felt that familiar sense of astonishment creep through my veins. I was shocked that he had called.

I will pause here and shed a small amount of light on the history of this...Although I am 1 of 7 children, all born of the same mom, there are 3 dads total. Mike and Lisa have one father, Me Jacob Daniel all have the same dad, and then Savannah and Luke have the same dad. That is all seven of us....oldest to youngest. My mom was pregnant with me when she married my dad, and they were married for about 6 years. Needless to say, I was crushed when he left. I remember sitting on the porch with him, and him saying that he would never LEAVE me, he was just going to live somewhere else, and I would always be his girl.
Well, he did leave. For a while, he did his best. You know, living in Florida on the Gulf has its advantages...lots of fishing trips!!! So he came and got us (me jake and Daniel) often. He got a girlfriend, and luckily she didn't live far, so we got to see him alot. Then mom re-married. And my Dad, fresh out of the Police Academy hit me with a bullet that I was too you to understand...He was moving to California......In my mind, that was the other side of the WORLD. Living in the town as big as a pea in Fl. made everything thing else seem so big. So the other side of the USA might has well be Space. Well, for a while, there were birthday cards, Christmas cards, the occasional phone call. (I will not get into my life after he left..that's a whole other blog.) Then one day, it stopped. Nothing. Blankness. I was about 10, if my mind serves me right, the last time I got a card from him at Christmas. I can't recall b-days. Slowly his image started to fade in my mind, much to my dismay. I felt a void. Granted I had a step-dad, but not the same thing. I was envious of my friends that dads who seem to care about them. I hated it. Why was I so ease to dispose of???
Well, when I was 21 and found out I was pregnant with Chance, I felt the need to find my dad. So, being the Nancy Drew that I am, I found him. Gave a call, and we started talking. Then once again after a couple months, for no reason. Just nothing. He didn't call, and I was FULL of pride that wouldn't let me do it. So then a few years went by, then one day....he called. I was astonished. It was this past summer. And he wanted to arrange a time to get together. He was coming to North Carolina in October and wanted us to come...WOW a range of emotions flew throught my body. He said he would keep in touch. Long story short, I was scared to go,my with JD supportive nature and my kids driving me nuts, a road trip sounded perfect and we went. I was so astonished to see how much time went by. He looked exactly like my grandfather did before he passed. The most wonderful 2 days that I had had in a while. Then he promised to keep in touch...I was skeptical. But much to my surprise, he did. Calling often. Well, before our visit, on my B-day in Sept. He called. I was ASTONISHED. It had been YEARS....YEARS since he called. Amazing. Then a couple more calls, and then Thanksgiving Day, he called again! I was so astonished that I was still astonished to look at my phone and see his number! Then, Yesterday, Christmas Day, he called again. (he has been calling about once a week since July) and I still am astonished. Then,,,,,today....I get home, check the mail, and there is a Christmas Card from him, with money inside. I could feel the tears streaming down my cheeks as I run in the house to my husband. JD was freaking out. Let me say, money is nice. and we REALLY needed it, but that is trivial to the feeling I had just seeing an envelope in my mailbox from my dad. I sit here now - tears flowing again, and I am shocked...astonished..at how much I just missed my dad. It has been 18 years since I even got a phone call on Christmas from him. Much less, a card. I called him, sobbing, and said that I was grateful for the money, but even more grateful that when I look back and try to think of him, I don't see black. I see him, and I don't have to wonder what he sounds like, I can hear him. I know this sounds crazy. I have a DAD again. and I STILL get astonished when he calls me. Let's me know that even though I don't see him, he is there for me now. Hasn't always been there, but now he is....and this is directly related to another thought I had.
When God touched me just over a year ago, I was astonished. I had not known him before, and when I looked back to see God, there was nothing but black. But now, He calls me daily. He, out of the blue, when I least expect it, gives me something that reminds me that I have not been cast out...I wasn't easy to just LEAVE. He had always been there, and wait for me to answer him. I am still astonished at what God has done. Not for just me in my personal life, but soooo many others. I hope that feeling of astonishment never goes away. It reminds me of the blessing....when I get astonished, I know that in that moment..God is there.....even though we can see Him...just like my Dad, that praise God is now in my life as well....I am a lucky girl....I have My Heavenly Father...and My Father......what an amazing astonishment...